Weekly Film Blog (#6)

Forget Paris. Remembering Paris was the exact reason why Mickey couldn't let go of Ellen. Mickey was a lonely man who had to bury his father in a country that he had never been before only to find out that the coffin was lost in between the transit. His encounter with Ellen was sarcastic and humorous at the same time, which attracted both to each other and led Mickey to work harder to impress Ellen with his wit and humor. Something that I personally feel that is a deceiving stage of any relationship. It is when they start to put extra effort in impressing the person of interest whether it be a friend or a potential lover, and that is the level of expectation that you put yourself into believing the in that person. Mickey made himself be the humorous, romantic and loving man that he was in Paris and that front was what attracted Ellen the most. However, coming back to America, the life that was expected by Ellen given by Mickey was not the same as she imagined and lived in Paris. This could also be explained by each other's mate value that is a determining factor of a mate choice (Shackelform, Schmitt & Buss, 2005). This initial infatuation and passionate love they experienced in Paris, where they continued to pursue and find each other attractive enough to be the other's potential mate that they decided to get married despite the lack of knowledge on each other's lifestyle and habits. 

Interestingly, married couples usually go through a honeymoon stage in the earlier part of their marriage but in Mickey's and Ellen's marriage, the start of their marriage was already the post-honeymoon stage. Ellen showed discontent with Mickey's choice of home and how Mickey had to constantly be on tour and away from Ellen. It was not the life that she imagined it to be. This dissatisfaction on her part started to bring up conflict within the relationship. Ellen brought up 'sacrifices' that she had made coming back to America and asking Mickey to do his part and make his sacrifices for her. In this, the process of social exchange was not balanced out between them. Ellen feels that the relationship is costing her more than it was rewarding her. Interdependence Theory suggest that we evaluate the outcomes of our relationships with two criterias: (1) what we expect from the relationship and (2) how well we can do with other partners. Initially, Ellen was married but separated with her husband and she saw Mickey as a romantic opportunity. It was mentioned that Ellen was deciding whether to go back to her husband but she did not know what to expect of her first marriage with the French dude. At that time, meeting Mickey and spending a great time all over Paris made her weigh her options of how she could have been better off with Mickey instead (comparison level for alternatives). Shortly after, Ellen married Mickey and her new outcomes (living in LA alone and depressed) were below her comparison levels (living romance in Paris), and that is why she is dissatisfied. The same thing happened to Mickey after negotiating with Mickey and making him sacrifice a year off the NBA season to work as a cars salesman, Ellen was happier, however, Mickey started to find dissatisfaction in his new routine. He was one of the best referee in the NBA and to be out of the season and working as something that was lacking fell short of his comparison levels.

The next stage of any marriage is the reproduction of an offspring. For a while, in the midst of their differences they had a common goal and that brought them closer than they ever were in their marriage. Unfortunately, their inability to conceive a child forced a emotional and physical wedge between them. It is especially more when Ellen decided that she wanted to work in Dallas in a new position in her job. Mickey shot down her idea instantly and that made her decide that she will go to Paris instead. How did this decision come about? In Interdependence Theory, there is another level of comparison which is comparison level for alternatives. It describes what we can achieve elsewhere and the lowest level of outcomes we will accept from our current partners. Whether we know it or not, we are constantly comparing our relationships with others and see if we are getting the best out of the relationship, whether the rewards and costs are worthwhile. In Ellen's perspective, if Mickey was not going to help her pursue her dreams in Dallas (the lowest level of expected outcome) then the alternative was to leave him and pursue her career in Paris on her own. This did not come easy for Ellen, seeing how much she was devastated when leaving Mickey but she had weighed her cost of leaving Mickey and having the offer of a life in Paris was far more rewarding (or so she thinks).

In the end, marriage may not be the best solution for some infatuated partners. It must be because the movie was filmed a decade ago, so the stereotype of having the need to marry the person you are in love in is heavily perpetuated. In the current world now, the idea of co habitation is acceptable and widely practiced by Americans. Couples communicate more because of the advancement of technology, something that was not a luxury back in 1995. Paris, being the capitol of romanticism and sophistication, adds to the fire of any relationship and that could be a risk because not all croissant fuelled romance can be long lived. 

Reference

Shackelford, T. K., Schmitt, D. P., & Buss, D. M. (2005). Universal dimensions of human mate preferences. Personality and Individual Differences, 39: 447-458.